Sunday, June 28, 2009

i sold out

yup i did it ;)

Monday, June 15, 2009

If you like good music

So, out of all of them (Asher, Drake, Wale...etc) Im a fan of J.cole. Really dope, and it just so happens he is the first one to sign on Jay Z's Roc Nation.... This is his 2nd mixtape i believe. The first was "the come up" anyway if you like good music check it out. ......oh yea and he is from the SOUTH ;)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

moment for hesitation

I don't know what lies ahead and I'm not certain this is the direction to success. It's either this or go back from where I came. Even If i don't end at success I will have visited progress.

Monday, May 11, 2009

owww ms. Fiona

She says "when im all alone i can make me say yea yea yea"

I absolutely love how sexy this woman is. A video about a woman wanting to be pleased, sexually...with not one explicit scene, or showcase of ass or booby.


im waiting for more tho (no homo)

Money Sex Love

Good Book. Its a compilation of different female authors and their take on love and money. Its stories from single mothers to lawyers wives to the "other woman". Really dope because its all the things we really think about and may never talk about, although we should. Funny how cash rules everything around us and its difficult to talk about with your partner or partners ...;) well for me anyway...(if i love him) lol

and by chance if we do discuss the financial situation of either party a woman could easily be deemed a "gold digger"

*bull shit*

For me anyway. When it gets to the point of spending the rest of your lives together I think everything should be put on the table. I'm not really looking to be completed but i am definitely expecting to be complimented.

(note to reader)
this is only for relationship status ...not dating. I dont care what you have at that point if the gift you just gave me or the date we just left broke you i would rather not know.

I am an addict

Grandee Caramel frappuccino
380 calories

Nothing good about this habit. this is the last one i will consume, , , today. ;)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Imitation of black

I am a product of only God knows what. I use my imagination, inquiring minds should too. Truth is, I am adopted. I have never met nor seen a picture of the woman who gave birth to me. Supposedly she was young and white and got knocked up by a black guy (aka daddy) So im mixed with black and white ? yea...duh, i guess.

However; im questioned almost everyday "where im from" or am I Indian? I really dont know. But the thing is i was raised in a ALL BLACK family. Southern black family people are often puzzled by a Indian lady speaking country grammar ao fluently. Enviorment over genetics in my case.

I would be lying if I said I wasnt proud of who i am, biracial. I like that i look different but to my knowledge im black. My father was so im automatically black right? But why is it so hard for black people to grasp this. If i was the mixed chick who always denied the black bloods dominance , i would be judged as disowning my blackness. Honestly I have to admit I hate when someone is mixed with black and acts like they are not black. On the other hand I hate it more when I announce my "blackness proudly" and Im given the blank stare. As if im trying to be something im not. I dont get this from other races just my own.
Why tho ? catch 22


Death is hard to digest, although its simple.

Nothing complicated about being gone forever..

The end.
No breath
No life.


they say it takes time...

so i deal with it every minute.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

and im living it.

"could have let the dream killers kill my self esteem, or use the arrogance as the steam that powers my dreams..."
Ye west.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

RealEST estate .

Classic movie, but its to generic , or maybe cliche to put a Scarface picture up. However, i heart the part about "the world is yours" . Im no gangster by any means, duh =) ....but the message is universal. Gangster or not you have to live in this world, why not take ownership ....and the deed....and put up a globe to remind you everyday.

Pillow Fallacy

pl. fal·la·cies

1.A false notion.
2.A statement or an argument based on a false or invalid inference.
3.Incorrectness of reasoning or belief; erroneousness.
4.The quality of being deceptive

I have a reoccurring dream, about the bed I slept in as a child. I begged my mother for a daybed. I wanted a white one, with gold finishes and peach trimmings. Yes, I was this concise on my request, even as a 7 year old. Ironically, at 23 I can barely give anyone a concise answer about anything I want.
I eventually got my bed , exactly how i wanted it. Unfortunately, my comfort did not match my likeness for my princess bed. It was not enough room, and i could never come up with a permanent position to sleep in. I would wake up in the middle of the night and switch ends of the bed. I would be groggy and uncomfortable. My theory was if I switch ends and pillows , I would find myself dozing back off. Reality is,.. no matter where I laid or which pillow I used , my discomfort was constant.
This is the scene in the dream I have now, I awaken and see the end of the bed and the fresh pillow. I unconsciously feel if i change positions , it will feel different from my current situation....and my goal in the dream is to just get to the other pillow. In my dream I do reach the other side, and without fail , I cease to find comfort.
At 23 I do the same thing unconsciously with everything. I always feel like the grass is greener on the other side. I'm constantly changing aspects of my life , much like I change positions in my dream. Formal logic says that if there is a problem, to break it apart and realize what the real problem is and come up with many solutions. My worse habit is to run away from everything that gets boring, or too hard. The unfortunate part is, I never find the comfort I need. After all the changing and rearranging in my real world, I can not find my comfortable spot. I find myself solving the wrong problem, much like my day bed dilemma. The problem was not my position in the bed, it was the bed itself. The problem is not all the things and people in my life , its me. It is my attempt to make quick and simple solutions to complex problems. This is what i call the day bed fallacy. Knowing is half the battle right .

Working on it
b ;)

Saturday, February 28, 2009

I dont care .....I said it

Yea KANYE WEST is in my top 5 favorite!!! I said it GAY / STRAIGHT the homey is
. Yea, im tired of the of the t pain shiddd... but this joint is crazy. and what does "living like you died before" mean to yall? huh elle? nightfall? I know you all have an answers for me ;)

Flight School (Feat. Kanye West) - T-Pain

"Realize i got the same wings angels fly with, with louis vuitton feathers thats some fly shit" get em Ye

"What up b? Can't shut up me"

Honey I'm home !
Excuse my absence, computer technicalities. If i was a faithful blogger like some of my counter parts i would have continued....but not blogging on my own laptop is like borrowing a swim suit to me (a NO NO). Anywho, my last meaningful blog was about "the secret". Supposedly, the secret to life is to want , believe and receive erthang u want in your life. Like lets say for instance you want money, love, career , you think, believe it then it comes to you via the universe. And guess who practices this secret fru fru-ness??? OPRAH , WILL SMITH the list goes on. As far as my trial and error period....all that positivity mumbo jumbo is cool for others , not b tho. It takes a constant effort for me to oooze positivity, and i must put emphasis on "constant" and "effort". Im not the negative frigid chick no one wants to be around , im just a realest. I cant even listen to r&b, or slow jams too long. I did however learn that happiness is a choice. I choose to be happy, content and call things and people as i see them. I do believe if i want something i should go get it versus the secret theory "it will come to me via the universe" . If its out there i can get it , if someone else can do it , i can too. Sooo i guess thats my secret. Now, my confidence isn't thru the roof by any means. I doubt myself, I go back and forth on ideas..I ask for second opinions ...i take criticism to heart (for like 5 or 10 min MAX) but all in all No universe gives me anything . God made me and my my theory is... he wouldn't have made me equipped to dream if i couldn't live them out. Not so scientific but to each its own and this is the absolute truth according to b
bye bye guys ;)

Oh and i posted a smiley pic to show my positivity oozing lol,,,,,na its just pertty and its my blog

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

About nothing!!

I have not blogged in 4-ever (sandlot), despite the fact i have made several mental notes about my upcoming blog. So, tonight is the last night I have to work on my "critical analysis paper" due in the AM. Mind you I have no idea what im suppose to be critically analyzing. What if I get lucky??? What if I can critically analyze anything I want and use my own sources?? I would write about something i give a shit about , like....hip hop, fashion, the evolution of it. Hell anything, except this long dry list of "nothing" !! I love to express myself thru words but im blank when it comes to shiii i dont care about. Im like that with everything i guess , so if your speaking to me and I have a blank stare , turn around and go parallel from where u came from. Oh, and I have this paper to write and i just got 'season 6 of sex in the city part 2" sooo my plan is too watch then write. Oh and talk to my sis so we can plan this mini vacay 4 my b day this weekend. Im such a procrastinator and i was going to make a new years promise but its the end of Jan and I still havent made my list. Oh and im always the one yelling " im focused" and I am just on the things I care about the rest is excess. People in my life also fail to realize i can write my own wrongs, i can give you a whole list of imperfections but..thats where it stops. Dont do what you see and hear me do, i cant accept criticism that kindly so ease into if you must!! Although, there is this guy a very special guy to me who told me I was conceited (whoooaaa) I was so surprised with his boldness i think i like him more, he is the one exception (that 1 time)......'ADD' much?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Double up

Today was good and normal. Pic above is of me and my "sis" getting ready to eat . The night ended awkward as hell due to reckless behavior from outsiders. Anywho that my ace boon koon and it ridiculous how much alike we are. Doing positive blogs randomly bc its my way of showing gratitude no matter how small. I learned this in the book "the secret" . wish me luck. blog coming soon on the "secret to life". im running my trial and error period right now. Verdict later

My "current events"

In so many unsaid words an individual whose opinion i value most took a shot at convincing me i

"should take what i can get" Mind you ,this concept makes no sense to me at all. I believe this phrase is a candy coated "settle". I would rather take everything you have than settle for this dressed up phrase " take what you can get" AKA settle. This person seemed to be shocked by my unfamiliar response. Then to add insult to injury the convo continued and again she spit out a concept that i believed in the past Honestly, i lived by this theory. "i dont see you doing all the things you plan or talk about, we are just regular people,c'mon B if your nothing your a realist"This once familar thought process was completely foreign to my ears. I knew then i should not entertain this conversation any longer. I was beginning to doubt myself again and question reality vs dreamworld. I did something I couldn't do just a year ago, I blocked all the negative thoughts, finish applying my lip glass, unplugged the flat iron , and stepped away from the mirror. Kissed my beautiful baby girl goodbye and attempted to explain to my son why i wouldnt see him until the sun goes down because tonight was the night mommy has school too.Unfortunately, my efforts to please my 'little big man' were futile. He responded by letting me know when he gets big enough to have a car of his own he wasnt going to school anymore, insinuating i should do the same and beat the sun home {lol}. Which reminded me that i cant afford to doubt myself. Im the example for them and i set the bar for there future ambitions. I now knowthat it doesn't make sense for me to doubt myself. i have a peace of mind because i learned to stop fighting my own thoughts.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Me and my music pt 1

One of my favorite songs. There is a reason I love Jay people. Nothing more to say.

Jay's verse...

Aha, I gotcha, uh...
With the same sword they knight you, they gon' good night you with
Shit, that's only half if they like you
That ain't even the half what they might do
Don't believe me, ask Michael
See Martin, see Malcolm
See Biggie, see Pac, see success and its outcome
See Jesus, see Judas
See Caesar, see Brutus, see success is like suicide
Suicide, it's a suicide
If you succeed, prepare to be crucified
Media meddles, niggaz sue you, you settle
Every step you take, they remind you you're ghetto
So it's tough being Bobby Brown
To be Bobby then, you have to be Bobby now
And the question is, "Is to have had and lost
Better than not having at all?"
Because I'm...

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Yes The Movie was DOPE!!

I absolutely love Big, so I was probably absolutely way too stoked to see it. Im sure its really abnormal for a prissy mulatto to be into hip hop the way I am. The best way I can explain it is I love success stories. I am a dreamer. Its the brillance in the word play, its the lyrics, its about being yourself and not apologizing for it. Coming from nothing and conquering because you expressed exactly what you were feeling. Biggie is one of the greatest , clearly. He is a legend always will be. Its way more than the music and the vivid lyrics, its the story that dreaming is possible and the sky is the limit. Its amazing to know this man started at 19 and was a legend by 24. Classic. I must leave you with my favorite qoute from Big ;)
Stay far from timid
Only make moves when ya heart's in it
And live the phrase Sky's The Limit
Motherfucker... see you chumps on top

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Dope !!

I like it. I like it even more after seeing the video. Probably the live band , where Jada tho?

"Real Talk" ?

I just read this somewhere and it was one of those things where i was like" heeellll yea mannn"



Unfortunately for me these truths come out periodically , its annoying as hell for someone (someone i care for) waits till I piss them off to straighten me. Or attempt to anyway ;). Like dam , you've been feeling this way for sometime,clearly. dont get nuts when you get mad!!! Clear open and honest communication ARE vital!

Oh even worst than this....
OK, so its negative energy all in the air, its subtle but clearly there. Its ample time to approach the situation one on one. But no sir! we wait till you have cheer leaders and coaches. Its cool tho to each its own. I guess supporters give some sort of confidence they may never had otherwise some twisted way I think we all work off the Que "lights camera action"

Due to my small circle i cant remember a time this happen in the past 6 months but still....TRUE STORY!

Wanna see it here it go!!

I always wonder what the actual numbers come out to be sooo..i directly copy and pasted from xxl website. Oh yea, they are not in order. For anyone who actual cares ;)

Lil Wayne - Tha Carter 3 - 2,900,400

Plies - Da Realest – 192,100

Common - Universal Mind Control – 166,400

Young Jeezy - The Recession - 719,200

Soulja Boy - iSouljaBoyTellEm – 92,100

Game - LAX - 643,300

Q-Tip - Renaissance – 98,300

G-Unit – T.O.S. – 240,700

E-40 - Ball Street Journal - 68,800

Ludacris - Theater of the Mind – 470,400

Nas - Untitled – 430,400

Killer Mike - I Pledge Allegiance to the Grind – 16,800

Kidz in the Hall – In Crowd – 20,200

Black Milk - Tronic – 7,200

Elzhi – Preface – 5,400

Ice Cube – Raw Footage – 183,400

Lil’ Mama – VYP - Voice of the Young People – 66,200

Foxy Brown – Brooklyn’s Don Diva – 24,800

Ace Hood – Gutta - 58,700

Kanye West – 808’s & Heartbreak – 1,094,900

My circle, or lack thereof.

Im really blessed to be where I am in my life right now. I could self proclaim myself to be
"queen of trial and error".
If u phuck over me once it wont happen again. I consider myself to be a good ...scratch that great friend. Stereotypes say women are catty and we cant be good friends. Often , more than not this is true , at least true in my life. Its a shame how males can befriend each other and the bond be way stronger. The older I get the smaller yet stronger my circle gets. The larger my circle the more freggin confusion. Maybe its my fault tho, I expected to much. I expected the same loyalty and love i dished to be served. Silly Brittany, bad judge of character I suppose. When we were even we were cool. When I started setting goals and reaching them they fell off like a bad bag of dope. (lol)Crazy tho!! Cause when of my coglomerates moves up , its possible I could be more happy for them than they are. My females friends are at and will remain at a minimum . Really these few have been around the longest and know me the best. The theory that you like things you relate to is a true story. I guess i wasnt familiar anymore, cool. "o u dont feel me it cost nothing pay me no mind" (jay)I can understand walking away or creating distance bc the similarities that bonded us are no longer in exsistence. But "hate" me? knock me? expose our secrets? ..or even worse you rocking with the chicks that could be labeled my enemies. Is it some kinda conspiracy? I have a set of morals and a conduct for life that very unconventional. Maybe because I was {raised} dam near by a hustler. (what up po) anywho *loyalty is everything* and respect means a lot to me. Getting money is or the term progression is a given. I beleive no being should stand between me and my dreams. I hate pettiness. Its pointless and why talk about someone else when I could talk about me?(lol)Im by no means saying im smarter or better than anyone . Im sayin im different and "association breeds similarities" (nas) and I cant phuck wit u cause we arent similar. And even if you dont feel me you still watching. Aspirations to progress in life arent for the attention or the money.( i love money tho) Its because if i stand still I get bored and life seems less meaningful. I think big, these thoughts become words, and i believe my life should reflect what comes out of my mouth. I will always win when im in a race with myself. Best thing i ever learned to do was keep my own scorecard.

signing off
Loyal b

This gave me the screw face .(good thing)

So my lovely my fellow music guru "" what up elle!! put me on HAYES. Sometimes I hear or see something new and feel it in the first 2 seconds this is def one of those times. I did a little research and i found out he drops this year...!! Guess he has been out awhile but this is new to me.And the fact that he is ummm attractive helps too. "ringtone rap this is not the season" jada. I heart qoutes, clearly.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Things im certain of

"Doubt means dont. Dont move. Dont answer. Dont move forward"

"The world belongs to dreamers"

"Joy comes in the morning , even tho it has visited me many night ;)"

"If i make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will still go on"

"We are whatever we believe we are"

"If i can see it , its mine"

"What you eat doesnt make me shi%^"

"Whats the point of living if you cant be yourself"

"Loyalty is the code of conduct for life" LIE*

"I will become gorgeous when my inside match my outside"lol

"Shit just dont happen it happen for a reason"

"Labels are cool, with the right confidence tho u can rock anything"

"Gratitude is a door opener"

I didnt give credit to the originators bc i dont know them all .....and "no idea is original" ;)


Saturday, January 10, 2009

So maybe I should be clear

I am really unconventional, which calls for more explanation. I am constantly questioned about where u wanna go, what u gonna do with that, "B give me the vision". Followed by the awkward pause for reply. The only question i have a witty response too is my race lol , idk.

"Write the vision and make it plain"So I guess i will do it in an unconventional way.. Im gonna start with what i dont want.

I dont want them to love me and look over the beautiful mind.

I dont want you to miss the outside either; my hour or so in the mirror would pointless ;)

I dont want to clock in and out , then retire. (sorry momma)

I dont want people around just like me ...i need to be enlightned.

I dont want to settle

I dont want to be easily be satisfied.

I dont want to let go if i dont want to.

I dont want to be unhappy if my unconventional thinking leads me to soloville.

With that being said,

I love music like with a passion,

I love fashion,

I love real people,

I love expressing my thoughts with words.

I love when i get a new idea (thasts interesting)

I love falling in love.

I love the feeling i get when i hear new music ...and i like it of course.

I love the feeling of hearing a throwback and rapping the words like i wrote it

I love watching rocsi and thinking i could do her job way better than her (tru story)

Sooo make of it what you can. I dont want to be misunderstood but i love when they dont get me at all ;)


Friday, January 9, 2009

Letter to Life;

Dear Life,

Im not sure of you...and when I think I figured you out; Repeatedly, you prove my ignorance and whisper in my ear "come harder, not enough b". You had me shook. Your dealing this hand and its unfair. I know this because you blocked my path with doubt and struggle. I can prove im a victim to nothing tho sir. So lets go toe to toe. You got it , your of it , everything I want dwells within in you . You whispering in my hear, relax tho time for b to talk back. If you wrote me a letter you would let me know the odds are not on my side. You would tell me the cost for being successful is way more than I can pay.You would remind me of the statistics of a single black girl (mutt) and two seeds. I call you bluff. You lied to me, your never the same you always waver. You love me than hurt me you pick me up and knock me down. So f you, Im not playing with you anymore. I went out and got my own deck . im the dealer now. Im not looking at you anymore, im looking thru u. So if i see it, i want it, I'm going to get it. I know you are only what I make of you . Life cant happen to me anymore...i happen to it. and phuck if you dont feel me , im my own fan. 5'8 mutt with 10 feet of fight. My imagination gives me wings to fly over your blocks. I dream in color now.These dreams took the place of worries at night. You gave me too many lessons, to be defeated..I'm not certain of life , I'm certain of me.This letter is not a memo, nor a permission slip. If it needs a title ...we can call it a public service announcement. Now back to B' regularly scheduled program.